Sometimes

Sometimes, somehow, I just want to disappear, leave all the things I've ever known, I've ever seen and start a whole new life, being a person with no memory, with no friend, no knowledge, nothing.

Sometimes, I just wish to be unseen, unknown.

Runaway isn't a good idea, I know it. But sometimes life is getting too tiring, I'm tired of living, of loving.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I just don't know what to do, when all that is left to do is crying and I don't want to cry, there's no more option left.

Looking back to the old times when I was experiencing the happy moments with my friends, sometimes it gave nothing but a little pain here and there. To comprehend that I have no ability to turning back the time and re-make the memories I've had, nothing I could gain but to realize that those moments are in the past.

Seeing again the photo album of me and my old friends, other than reminescing, nothing else I could do. They've found their own ways, and left me all behind. Maybe, to never have a friend is better, that way, I wouldn't ever experience to be left.

When loving someone's getting to tiring, to know that it's uselsess to love them with no response, to realize that it's only one-sided love (again, for the many times...), to acknowledge that they won't be happy with us loving them, what's the use of loving? What's the use of loving other than wasting your time and energy?

Sometimes, I think living a life without friends, memories and loves is better...

Sometimes, I think that being numb isn't a bad idea...

Sometimes, I think that being heartless isn't that abnormal...

And sometimes, I think I am the unwanted one, what's the use of my existence?

When life's getting too tiring and I know nothing else to do, I can only think about those sometimes thoughts.

Locked...

Argh! You know what happened to me right now? I can't enter my house.. Smart me brought the wrong key so now I can't enter the house. This is all I can do, blogging thru my phone. Thanks dear technology... Luckily I've had my breakfast(+lunch) just now at campus, or else I'll be like a poor and hungry little girl who tries to get something to eat in front of this house.. Ahahahaha.. XD

so dear readers, make sure you bring the right key before you step out of your house, lol

Batik Truntum

BATIK TRUNTUM

Le batik est un dessin de modèle culturel le plus célèbre d'Indonésie, fait en employant une cire spéciale qui est par la suite chauffée et dessinée sur un tissu blanc en utilisant le “chanting". Avant, seule la femme faisait le batik étant donné le travail acharnant que le batik nécessite.

Le batik lui-même était un cadeau des fermiers à leur chef, au Sultan et sa famille dans le palais. C’est pourquoi la plupart des modèles sont au sujet de la nature. À cette époque, le batik représentait une différence entre les familles du palais aux citoyens en dehors du palais. Toutefois, le Sultan a par la suite permis l'utilisation de cet habillement pour les citoyens, bien qu’il y ait toujours une grande différence éthique entre les familles du palais et les citoyens, sur le genre de batik employé. D’ailleurs, le batik peut également être employé pour représenter le statut social d’une personne. Autre que montrer le statut d’une personne, les divers modèles de batik peuvent comporter des significations différentes également.

Parmi les divers modèles, le « Teruntum » en est un modèle, caractérisé par une multitude de petites fleurs sur un fond de couleur foncée.

Il y a une histoire sur ce modèle disant qu’il était une fois, la reine du Sultan, chèrement aimée, ne pouvait donner naissance à un bébé garçon. Elle s’est alors échappée du palai, par sa famille de Kraton. Pendant le temps où elle était à l'endroit de retraite, elle a passé son temps à prier qu'un jour, son mari sera de nouveau auprès d’elle. Et le batik est également dessiné tandis qu'elle regardait fixement au tient le premier rôle sur le ciel foncé de nuit, celui est pourquoi dans le modèle on trouve des petites fleurs avec une couleur foncée de fond. Quand le Sultan lui a rendu visite et a vu ce modèle, il était profondément touché par l’effort dont la reine a donné. Finalement, il a décidé de la ramener au palais.

En raison de cette histoire, on croit que ce modèle évoque "l'amour de renvoi" et de fidélité.

Ce batik est habituellement employé par les parents durant la cérémonie de mariage Javanais sur la pièce "Sungkeman". Le Sungkeman est une étape du mariage où les enfants se mettent à genoux vers le bas et expriment leur gratitude aux parents pour se lever vers le haut. C'est important parce qu'en Indonésie, les enfants habitent habituellement avec leurs parents jusqu’au mariage, et cette cérémonie évoque des moments symboliques qui prouvent que les parents doivent laisser leurs enfants vivre leurs propres vies avec leur mari/e.

Le nom "Teruntum" a été pris du mot Javanais, "Tuntun" qui signifie que les parents auront toujours un rôle important l’apprentissage des enfants à la bonne manière, et ils veulent que leurs enfants suivent leur manière de vie sur le bonheur et aussi pour résoudre les problèmes.

L’utilisation de ce tissu par les parents sur exposition, les "Sungkeman" la puissance forte de la culture sur la tradition des Javanais, il a imperméabilisé la façon dont ils croient qu'il y a beaucoup de prières et d'espoirs à l'intérieur du tissu qu'ils emploient pendant la cérémonie.

My Own Site!

Wow! It's been so long, like it was threethousandandtwentyseven centuries already, LOL xD. But yeah! now I'm back with a good news, which is a real Good news! I finally have My Own Site. Still so empty, I think. But I'll add more soonest. I'm so glad that I can finally make it :D. The site is actually opened officially on December the first! Wow! What a nice timing, right? The first day of the last month of the year! Haha... So for you all, if you have free time, just come and visit me here!

But no worries, I'll still update this one, but less often since I also have a blogging space there :D

and for The Elle who was asking me about the story "Echoed Memories". I actually really want to update, I have them all stuffed on my note already but I have not much free time recently and so there are suddenly a heap of thing for me to do, I think i should post an update soon though, just wait. And thank you for reminding me that I still have that story, LOL xD

take a rest

yeps, I've been a busy girl these days... hohoho... I felt like a carrier woman or something like that who'd have their meetings everyday and handling a lot of stuffs, then trying to make their programs suceeds no matter what, being a bit emotional, meet some new friends, find self ability, stuffed with things but I'm happy! Although the thing weren.t succesfully suceeded, but well... I learnt a lot of things thru it, be more patient, that's for sure, LoL xD

now I have 2 days before another thing started again, haha... I sure am a busy girl, don't you think?

I kinda glad that I got my mid-semestrial point announced, okay... not much A still got too much Bs and I know my dad will blame me if he knows about it, but I'm glad because most of the test, I did it myself :D not like last semester when I *officially* cheated, hahah... I'm glad to realize that I own my slef ability, hahah... I never knew about it before one accident happened, now I know to whom I should depend on, to myself! bur of course with some helps of everyone, heheh... xD

and oh! I'm builiding my site right now! wo-hoo!!! Hahah... I'll tell you about it later, now... I'm gonna take a rest! haha...

to love or to be loved

[To Love Or To Be Loved]

Yes, new layout. And it's here not for no reason.

So the morning after I posted my [desperately deperate] blog I woke up early in the morning because of an SMS (well, I think I'm a light-sleeper...) and the sender is unknown, and I thought I was still dreaming because the text contented some sweet-nothing words. Like... oh, no, I wouldn't want to say it in public, what you should know is just that so... =.='' he declared that he likes me and he was sure that he will get me. And I (honestly to say) don't like it this way. I'm not a kind of girl who will turns out maroon when someone praises me (especially when it comes with sweet nothing...)

And then I came to a thought; which one is better, if we have to choose, To love or to be Loved? I had a discussion with my dear cousin that night, and we both agreed that to love is better than to be loved.

To be loved by someone we don't love, somehow it'll only be a torture. For us, for them. We tried so bad to love them back while deep inside we're still looking for someone else, not satisfied with what we've got, with who loves us. And they, who love us; wouldn't feel happy either to be loved back un-whole-heartedly. So we've agreed that it would only hurt both sides.

as for to love, nobody will feel sad to love someone, of course there'll be some desperate times (like what I've felt the last time) but another time, whenever we talk, see, hear something about the person we love (or like) it'll gives us some sort of joy, happy feelings. I believe all of us do. No matter how impossible the love is, no matter how thin the chance is. And when it comes to an end where we can't get that person, we wouldn't feel angry, sure we'll feel (somehow) sad, but then we'll get to go through it. We wouldn't blame that person for not be able to love us, we'll get wiser. At least they're (directly or not) be honest to us about their feelings towards us. No disguise, no pity thing.

And now I know that there's no such thing called 'unwanted love'. We all want it, want to love someone, if we don't then we wouldn't continue the feeling, like... for example, I saw Danson Tang last night, and I have to say that he's adorable. But I don't love him, why? Because I don't want to continue the feelings, if I want then it'll be love, that's me-myself who wants it. So yes, the feeling I have towards that guy in the previous post; it's me who wanted it, so I shouldn't blame on anyone but myself.

But then, last night I told my friend about it, and he denied it. He had his own thought. For him, most of all girls love to be loved, and then... they tend to learn to love someone who loves them. And he told me that I should give a chance for the person that liked me. And so... now, I got confused again! haha...

would you mind to share me your two cents? *winks*
(oh, just in case that you don't know; the comment section now is on ___stars are shining bright even without the moon--or something like that...)

Desperately desperate

Desperately desperate

So, am I falling in love just now? I actually am not sure with my own self, okay, I like a guy right now, but he doesn't even realize my existence in this wide world... No matter how hard I try to get into him, I know I just can't. Thus, I decided to forget him, and once again, I still can't! Darn this uncontrollable feeling, darn this uncontrollable heart. This is so torturing! I only want to forget him, that's all! I know, I've even told my friends that when you want to forget about someone just don't ever think about him. But well, it's easier to say than to do, right?

Darn this feeling, darn this heart...

Sometimes, sometimes I had a feeling that at the end we'll meet and be together (Just don't ask me where the hell I got that thought...). But the other times, I felt so... so like now, desperately desperate. I know that I shouldn't like him anymore, shouldn't think about him, shouldn't do something connected to him... (of course, since all I can do is just watching him from afar...), shouldn't talk about him anymore, shouldn't dream about him anymore...

Can this feeling just gone by the wind?

If it's not...

Then can my life turn out to be a fairytale? Let him finds me and we'll life happily ever after? He-my supposed-to-be prince of charming, will he be the one that I share my life with?


I want to cry!!!
(well, so then I'll just cry, I'll sit in the corner hugging my pillow and cry silently there, noone will know about it...--no, I actually want someone's shoulder...)

PS: No, I'm not trying to be an emo girl right now, N-O-! It's just that I have an unstable emotion. Okay, that's all.